The following list preview has been approved for all audiences by the Marshall Middle School Language Arts Department.
The tinkle of a bowl. The clatter of a spoon. The sweet smell of wheat, sugar, and corn. This, my friends, is cereal.
*epic music*
*dun dudu dun dun, dudu dun dudu, dun dun KERPLOWWWWW*
*Deep announcer voice*
*”Cereal”*
Top Five Cereals
Ah, Crispix. My old friend. Whenever I see you come home in those SuperOne bags, it is all I can do to restrain my overwhelming joy from seeing you. At night, I look at you before I sleep, to remind myself that the morning will be full of flavorful explosions of food. And with that knowledge, I can sleep peacefully.
- Crispix
It is very delicious, but not too complex.
It is nutritious.
It’s texture is good.
Life is life to me. Without Life, life would be pointless. I simply cannot fathom even the thought of life without Life. I simply live to be the one to get that last bowl, full of sugar crystals and tiny wheat shreds. And, to make things even better, the Life box is always decorated with life scenes and lessons. I could probably learn a thing or two about life from you, Life.
- Life Original
A sweet tasting cereal.
It is crunchy at first, and spongy later.
It has really entertaining boxes
The one thing that I can simultaneously love and hate about this cereal is that no matter what you are in the mood for, Honey Nut Cheerios can bend you to it’s level of taste. Want a chocolate truffle? Take one look at a box of Honey Nut Cheerios, and you decide that it will be good enough for you. And you would be right. The sweet/crunchy combo can satisfy both your stomach and your doctor, and the boxes allow for many bowls in a row. One would suppose that all those ads are paying off.
- Honey Nut Cheerios
It tastes good no matter what you’re in the mood for.
The boxes are amply sized.
The honey in it makes it very sweet.
Mini Wheats are like a yin yang; they look so good, but as soon as you pour milk over them all the frosting dissolves and you are left with a beautiful pile of wheat mush. Now, some people might like that, and that’s their choice, but I personally can’t stand it. The obvious attack plan? Stuff yourself with them as soon as they touch milk. But then they are too crunchy! BLARGHSTRUNK! Uh! It really is a hassle. But then again, given the right frosting to wheat ratio, it is possible to get a nice tasty snack from all this. And it really, really is good. So I would say it balances out.
- Mini Wheats
They have lots of frosting on each piece.
They aren’t all that bad for you.
There are lots of different flavors for sale.
Aaaand we finally reach the back of the pack, the last but not least, the grand finalè. Honestly, there is nothing bad about them, but somehow they ended up in last place and who am I to judge? It is a tough balance between mouth-slicing crunchiness and powdery mush, and it takes somewhat of a professional to figure it out. Fortunately, I am one of those “professionals”. The trick is to make sure to have a small pastime to occupy you during the three minutes that follow the pouring of the cereal. That could be remembering the book you “forgot” downstairs, checking your email, or anything else along those lines. But a minute too long or a minute too short, and you will PAY. But it is a great cereal worth the trial and error training to get that perfect texture.
- Cracklin Oat Bran
It has a crumbly texture to it.
In my opinion, it is DELICIOUS.
It is very sweet and sugary, with a hint of cinnamon.
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